Sunday, September 08, 2013

Who, Why, Where, When and What the?

Blimey...

I can't remember the last time I did just one blog in a month and that was the one I called a kind of contractual obligation blog. This one feels like a blog that needs to be written before it all gets forgotten about...

So in the style of ineptias et effercia ...
  • Bale - traitorous Welsh scumbag. I don't deny anyone the right to improve themselves but the way he went about it was pathetic and so below him I kind of hope (in an evil and nasty way) that he does a 'Woodgate' while at Real Madrid. 
  • Phone - bloody hell. I got my most recent mobile phone in 2008; mobile phone technology hasn't so much developed as left me behind. I now have a phone that doesn't look too dissimilar to one of those fangled iphone jobbies. Apparently it has x more memory and ting than the iphone my memory was basing it on. It does things that my first computer would have dreamt of doing and it scares the bejesus out of me...
  • Borderline Press - there will be a News Blog at some point in the next couple of weeks (maybe even tomorrow). I just want to make sure the entries for that weren't like the entries for this blog a couple of years ago. Keep'em wanting more!
  • Summer - finished Thursday.
  • Shed roof - finished Thursday. But GET IN!!! I am notorious for being the shittest DIY person whoever lived with all the functioning limbs. I conquered a slight fear of heights, a roof made of filo pastry and honeycomb and various other hazards, obstacles and a blazing hot sun to recover the shed roof. That's correct, those of you with good memories for trite things will remember that recovering the shed roof was one of my BIG tasks for the summer... of 2012.
  • Monitors - two of the buggers, giving me and extended screen. How do people only cope with one?
    This actually is what my desk top looks like sometimes...
  • The funniest joke in the world - the punchline of which is Roy Orbison. However, there's more to it than that. Back in the 1980s, when I was best known for being that 'stoned guy', I had a friend (who sadly amounted to nothing) who I spent a lot of time with and got pissed and stoned with very often. One day, while or shortly after sampling some hashish or some such, I came up with (or it might have been him) the fuinniest joke in the world. It was so funny that we lost 22 minutes of our lives laughing so hard and so fiercely that a bystander might have thought we'd been repeatedly kicked in the testicles with white hot shoes on. We were collaborating at the time and I grabbed a sheet of paper, scribbled down the legend that some people think was 'Roy Orbison' and turned to the guy I was with and said, as I saw it slipping out of my grasp, "What was the start of that joke again?" He looked at me with that slightly confused expression he has retained and shook his head. He couldn't remember. I couldn't remember, but it was still there, I just needed something to bring the memory back. But what was worse was I turned to the guy I was with and said, "Roy Orbison," and it set us off laughing again for about another 5 minutes, by which time neither of us could remember what the actual joke was...
  • IE - That's Internet Explorer, not the educational definition, and it did something the other day that caused me grief for almost the entire day and all because of something that shouldn't - couldn't - have happened... I wouldn't use IE if it was the last browser on the planet and the only alternative would to browse the web by sticking my head up Bella Emberg's arse. I hate it, it's shit. However, it is in my menu thingy and on Tuesday, when Neil was over developing me spreadsheets for Borderline that I would easily understand, he, unfamiliar with my PC and my new double dynamic monitor system, didn't notice that I already had Chrome open, went into the menu, found IE and opened it. I saw him and cried "Noooooooooooo," in that Homer mocking Charlton Heston way and told him to shut it down because it was evil. No shit, I said, "Shut it down, it's evil..." In a Wicked Witch of the West way and he did just that. Clicked it off and it shut down straight away. Except...
    Something happened; I don't know how and I've asked people in my frustration why this strange phenomena happened and they didn't know either. In fact the person who gave the solution - because it's happened before - doesn't really know how it happens (and when a developer says that you have to wonder a wee bit). Anyhow, it seems the opening and closing of IE inexplicably ticked the 'work offline' option in the menu; this then affected all my Microsoft products and anything that uses a Microsoft product. I was put 'offline' in the new equivalent of Outlook; it caused problems in Google Chrome; it was one simple thing that caused me no end of grief because I would never have considered IE was the culprit... I had to go back into IE, click to 'offline' button and shut it down again. All in all, a major headache and proving my point that it's evil.
  • I have had a reasonable harvest this year; the most pleasing being actual red tomatoes (and yellow ones!). We had enough green beans for one dinner and the purple potatoes (skin only) were surprisingly versatile. We had some very ordinary white beetroot to go with the normal red stuff and we might get a pepper or a courgette before the end of September, weather permitting (but these weren't planned they just grew out of the compost).
  • I have been reading nothing but comics in foreign languages; looking at pretty pictures; watching Breaking Bad (now on season 4); listening to whatever takes my fancy - today it has been Talk Talk and Jon Hopkins. My 'hard walking' regime has been set back by my hard breathing. 
  • That's it. I will be back, I just don't know when...